Hidden Agendas in Marriage

Abstract

This study examines the affective and longitudinal dimensions of hidden agendas that are revealed by couples' (N = 52) discussions of troublesome problems in the laboratory. Hidden agendas represent the interpersonal dimension of the spouse's insecurities, namely, those unexplored feelings of insecurity about the partner's love or respect. The results advance our understanding of hidden agendas in two major ways. The first shows that the affects of disgust and contempt are at the core of both love and respect agendas, although a somewhat different pattern is found in husbands and wives. For wives, hidden agendas are found in those who are fearful of being criticized and put down by a contemptuous husband. For husbands, hidden agendas (especially respect) are found in those who are disgusted with a contemptuous wife who does not back down, even when the husband gets nasty. The above relationships are independent of the marital satisfaction dimension, so the coders do not seem to be tapping a dimension of dissatisfaction or unhappiness per se. The second major result addresses the predictive validity of the hidden agendas. Although these agendas are not related to how satisfied the spouses are at initial assessment, the wife's (more than husband's) agendas are directly predictive of how negatively they argue at home and (especially wife love agendas) of how little the wife's marital satisfaction improves as time goes by. The above results speak to the wisdom of exploring interpersonal dimensions of certain insecurities in marriage that have been traditionally conceptualized as intrapersonal phenomena.