Abstract
Research suggests that end-of-life experiences (ELEs) – unusual or unexplained phenomena around the time of death – can positively influence the dying process. Despite this, few studies have examined whether and how ELEs affect the experience of grief for bereaved loved ones. Using a qualitative approach, the study explored how ELEs shaped grief for eight bereaved individuals based in Aotearoa New Zealand. Interpretive phenomenological analysis was used to analyse the content of semi-structured interviews. Findings suggest that ELEs can shape grief in complex ways – often involving conflicting emotions that can alter a bereaved loved one’s perceptions of mortality and moderate the intensity of grief. The study also highlights barriers to sharing these experiences, with fear of judgement playing a key role. Future research may wish to further explore the relationship between ELEs and grief, particularly with underrepresented groups.
In the weeks, days, hours, and minutes leading up to death, and at the moment of death, there have been reports of unusual or unexplained phenomena, often referred to as end-of-life experiences (ELEs) or deathbed phenomena in academic circles. ELEs are generally seen as spiritual or transcendent events by those who experience them (Silva et al., 2023) and include a wide range of occurrences, such as vivid dreams and visions of already deceased loved ones or religious figures, witnessing something leaving the body, bright or unusual light, and coincidental or synchronistic happenings like clocks stopping at the moment of death (Claxton-Oldfield & Dunnett, 2018; Devery et al., 2015; Dos Santos et al., 2017; Fenwick et al., 2007, 2010; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2024).
These experiences are not only reported by the dying but also by friends, family (Grant et al., 2021; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021; Tassell-Matamua & Steadman, 2015), and healthcare workers involved in patient care (Brayne et al., 2006, 2008; Claxton-Oldfield & de Ste-Croix Killoran, 2025; Claxton-Oldfield & Dunnett, 2018; Claxton-Oldfield & Richard, 2022; Claxton-Oldfield & Yoon, 2023; Dos Santos et al., 2017; Fenwick & Brayne, 2011). International studies involving palliative care patients and their caregivers indicate that ELEs are common among the dying, with prevalence estimates ranging from 50% to 88% (Devery et al., 2015; Kerr et al., 2014; Nosek et al., 2015; Nyblom et al., 2021), with higher figures reported by prospective studies documenting patients’ first-hand experiences as they approach death.
End-of-life experiences are typically portrayed in a positive light by the dying and their loved ones. For the dying, ELEs appear to aid in their transition to death, often increasing their comfort and preparing them psychologically and spiritually for their final journey (Brayne et al., 2006; Claxton-Oldfield & Dunnett, 2018; Fenwick et al., 2010; Kerr et al., 2014). Healthcare professionals have reported a shift in the behaviour and mood of dying individuals following an ELE, with some patients moving from agitation and anger to peace, comfort, and relaxation (Fenwick et al., 2010). Those who witness or are aware of their dying loved ones’ ELEs (for example, observing a dying individual engage or communicate with an unseen presence), or personally experience an ELE themselves (for example, a vivid dream of their loved one occurring at the moment they died), similarly find comfort while mourning their loss (Fenwick & Brayne, 2011; Grant et al., 2020, 2021; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Kothe et al., 2025; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021). According to a study by Grant et al. (2020, 2021), knowing that their loved one was comforted during their final moments appeared to help bereaved loved ones process their grief, made it easier to accept their loss and strengthened their connection to the deceased. Further, ELEs have been reported to impact beliefs and understandings about life, death and mortality, including an increased belief in the continuation of consciousness beyond death (Grant et al., 2020; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021; Tassell-Matamua & Steadman, 2015) and a reduced fear of death (Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021, 2024). While the majority of accounts are positive, distressing or frightening experiences have also been described, and these experiences are likely underreported.
Despite the increasing body of academic literature on ELEs, few studies provide in-depth insights into the psychological and emotional effects of ELEs on those left behind (Fenwick & Brayne, 2011; Grant et al., 2020, 2021; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021; Tassell-Matamua & Steadman, 2015), especially studies utilising in-depth qualitative methods. While some studies have invited bereaved loved ones to reflect on and describe the ELEs of the dying/deceased (e.g., Kellehear et al., 2012; Muthumana et al., 2011), exploring how these experiences directly impacted their own bereavement process remains an underexplored yet valuable area of enquiry. Since most people will experience the death of a loved one at some point, understanding the potential impacts of ELEs on bereavement warrants further exploration. This study employed in-depth qualitative interviews to explore the effects of ELEs on grief among bereaved loved ones based in Aotearoa New Zealand.
Methods
Participants
Participant Details
Procedure
Ethics approval was sought and approved by the Massey University Human Ethics Committee (Ohu Matatika 2, Application OM2 23/36). Data was collected using a semi-structured interview procedure. The interview schedule contained a series of broad initial questions, however, in keeping with semi-structured techniques, additional contextually relevant questions were asked as the interview progressed (Smith et al., 2022). Examples of initial questions included “Can you tell me about what you witnessed or experienced around your loved one’s death?” and “Did the experience(s) impact your grief? If so, how?”
The interviews were conducted between December 2023 and September 2025 and ranged in length from 36 – 92 minutes (M = 55.08 minutes). Four participants participated in follow-up interviews to achieve further analytical depth (Read, 2018), representing a total of 12 interviews. Three participants were interviewed via Zoom, three in person, and two opted for an audio-only phone call. The interviews were audio recorded and transcribed using the transcription feature in Microsoft Word or OtterAI and manually checked for accuracy. Information that may personally identify individuals was removed from the transcripts, and pseudonyms were assigned to ensure anonymity.
Data Analysis
Data were analysed using Interpretive Phenomenological Analysis (IPA), considered “especially useful when one is concerned with complexity, process, or novelty” (Smith & Osborn, 2008, p. 53). IPA aims to obtain and respect participants’ experiences, understandings, perceptions, and accounts (Reid et al., 2005; Wilde & Murray, 2010), making it an ideal approach for investigating under-researched, sensitive, and personal topics, such as ELEs and grief. IPA has been utilised in other studies examining various anomalous experiences, including near-death experiences and out-of-body experiences (Ait Melloul et al., 2024; Bianco et al., 2017; Himawanti & Faiq, 2023; Wilde & Murray, 2009, 2010).
Following the procedure outlined by Smith and Nizza (2022), each case was analysed in detail individually before conducting cross-case analysis. Firstly, the transcript was read and re-read, alongside relistening to the interview recording and initial reactions and thoughts about the interview, or exploratory notes, were added to the transcript. As IPA is an inherently iterative process, the transcript was reviewed several times, and notes were added to or updated as the analysis progressed. These exploratory notes helped shape experiential statements, which aim to capture the meaning the participant assigns to their experience. Finally, statements were reviewed and refined, aiding in the identification of the key features of the participant’s experience and meaning-making. The refined statements were then clustered together visually using Mural (Mural, 2025), an online brainstorming tool. After completing idiographic analysis for each participant, forming personal experiential themes, a cross-case analysis was conducted to identify similarities and differences across cases, resulting in group experiential themes (Smith & Nizza, 2022).
Results
Participants described their ELEs as affirming, comforting, or easing their grief, whilst also acknowledging the complexity of simultaneously experiencing typical grief-related emotions, such as sadness, with some noting that these experiences helped them process not only the immediate loss, but future bereavements. Three superordinate themes were developed to capture the nuanced ways ELEs shaped participants’ grief. The first theme, “I Felt a Sense of Peace Even Though I was Sad” – Complexity in the Emotional Landscape, captures the mixed emotional responses to the death of a loved one involving an ELE. The second theme, Redefining Death – The Influence on Attitudes and Perspectives of Death and Dying, shows how participants’ views of death changed after their ELEs. The third theme, Treading Carefully – Navigating Disclosure, highlights the difficulties of sharing these experiences with others.
“I Felt a Sense of Peace Even Though I Was Sad” – Complexity in the Emotional Landscape
Most participants described feelings of peace, comfort and joy at witnessing or experiencing an ELE, with one participant stating that it had helped more than “reading the booklet that you get from the Hospice and the five stages of grief” (Sharon). Participants described a sense of calmness or serenity at the moment of death, particularly when the ELE occurred concurrently. For example, Malia reported feeling peaceful as she witnessed a bright, warm light on her mother’s face, describing it as a “heavenly” and a “sun shining” kind of light. Sharon described her ELE as helping her “immensely”. In the minutes following her husband’s death, Sharon recounted a vision of her husband walking with his deceased dog, which brought her feelings of calm, peace, and spiritual reassurance: I looked out the window… I could see him [her husband] walking down towards the river by our place with his dog, who's also in spirit, walking beside him with his tail wagging very happily because dad was back with him. And I just felt very calm, very peaceful. It was like a mantle came around my shoulders, and he was basically telling me that I had to continue from where he left off now. So, you know that it was, it was a very spiritual feeling that came over me... that filled me with joy, as opposed to the grief I was feeling that my husband had just breathed his last, like he's still right here. It was wonderful.” (Sharon)
As outlined by Sharon, sensations of calmness and peace were often followed by more intense feelings, such as euphoria, joy, happiness, and bliss. For example, Jason’s account introduced a more transcendent emotional tone. When his father died unexpectedly in a car accident when Jason was 9 years old, he described an otherworldly dream-like experience where he felt transported to another realm. Jason described the experience as a “bubble in time, in the middle of sleep”, and reported sharing in his father’s sense of “completeness” and “bliss” at the moment of death. At the time of the ELE, Jason was unaware that his father had died: And he [Jason’s father] said that I'm dead. I've died and everything’s fine, and in fact, it’s more than fine, it’s perfect and complete. And I had this sort of feeling of, you know, it was like he shared that feeling with me. That feeling of completeness and perfection, and almost like bliss. Like, kind of a soaring sensation, you know, strange. Like a soaring sensation is the way I kind of remember it. And completeness. (Jason)
Yet, while all participants derived comfort from their ELEs, positive emotions were sometimes interwoven with conflicting or even distressing emotions, such as sadness, anger, or fear. Malia reflected on the comfort she felt knowing her mother was visited by her deceased husband leading up to her death yet acknowledged that she was still sad. However, Malia stated she was not “hysterically sad”, suggesting a moderated response to her loss: That experience gave me great comfort in terms of my grief. It was sad, but I wasn’t hysterically sad about where they’re going, knowing that they were comfortable, and they went very peacefully. And the signs that were showing throughout the dying…made me feel warm inside. That, oh yeah, they're all right. They're all right. (Malia)
While Emilia’s six-year-old daughter was dying from cancer, Emilia relayed that her daughter “kept on looking at someone that wasn’t there. Like acknowledging someone.” For Emilia, witnessing her daughter engaging with an unseen presence, whom she believed was her deceased Aunty, minutes before her death brought comfort, but also anger. She felt reassured that her daughter was being cared for after death, but struggled with the loss of her role as her young daughter’s protector, making her “deeply angry”: Like comforted… I think knowing that there was someone to take her, like she wasn’t going to be... she wasn’t a bit alone. Yeah. I think your number one job as a parent is to be a protector, and I couldn’t do anything. But if I wanted a person to do something in that moment, it would have been my Aunty… I mean, deeply angry still, you know, you don’t want her to be in the care of someone other than yourself. But I mean, it’s comforting. (Emilia)
For Ophelia and her multiple ELEs, her initial perceptions were marked by fear, dread, and confusion. While her loved ones were ill, Ophelia was unaware that they were dying, so when they appeared to her in visions, she described feeling shocked. After the initial shock, Ophelia recognised that these experiences were positive because the dying and deceased appeared healthy and happy. However, she described several ELEs that were frightening, featuring visual apparitions and visions that graphically showed her how her loved ones had died. The number of visions she received was described as overwhelming, likely catalysing her initial negative reactions to the ELEs. Yeah, you can feel it. You can feel the happiness. You can. That sounds really weird, but you can. You know, when you're with somebody who's having a good time, and you can feel that they're having a good time, and it just makes you happy… But for me, it's always like Oh God, here I am, you know, in this position. I don't know if everybody feels that. I can’t do this. I don't know... Like, if I had a choice, I'd avoid it like the plague if I had a choice not to have this at all. I'm kind of mixed. It's got better for me as I've got older. Like, it was really difficult to deal with, and I think that as I was sort of growing up and realising that other people get to sleep through the night without having the stuff. (Ophelia)
Redefining Death – The Influence on Attitudes and Perspectives of Death and Dying
Participants’ views on death shifted following their ELEs. These shifts include a strengthened or affirmed belief in a reality beyond the material world, a confirmation of life after death, and a decreased fear of death, which consequently impacted their grieving process.
For many, the ELE affirmed or confirmed that life or consciousness exists beyond physical life, with the ELEs often leaving them with a sense that the material world is only one form of reality. Mere reflected that the ELE grounded her belief in a spiritual world, making the intangible feel less abstract: It gives you, I think, a real peace and understanding about death. Well, it did for me… I guess life after death had been really abstract for me, and not that I needed something to make this the spiritual world kind of concrete in my life, you know, kind of bring the spiritual world to ground or to earth, so to speak. But what it did was assure me that the life that we take on Earth is just a small part of the picture, and so it affirmed, it affirmed an understanding that there is a spiritual world in whatever form anybody wants. (Mere)
For some participants, their ELEs reshaped their broader understandings of death. Before the ELEs, participants often struggled to comprehend death, with some not giving it much thought. Mere noted how the “intangible became tangible” as a result of witnessing her mother seemingly converse with angels in the days before her death, and that the experience helped her understand death, which had previously felt abstract. Jason similarly relayed that his ELE influenced his views on death, becoming a lens through which he viewed mortality: It's always coloured my understanding of death. Such as, as far as you can understand that it's such a thing at all. It's informed my way of looking at it, I suppose you could say… I always look at death through that experience. (Jason)
Participants often described their ELE as providing certainty that their loved ones continued to exist after death. Ophelia, for example, recounted smelling and then seeing her Aunty at the moment of death (despite being physically distant), which led her to believe in the continuation of consciousness, alleviating her grief by “taking the edge off” (Ophelia). Despite reading conflicting views and being told otherwise by family, including that her deceased loved ones were likely in “hell”, Ophelia trusted what she had witnessed, emphasising the power of experiential knowledge: I think that… there's definitely somewhere that our soul goes, you know, that when we finish this life… we do have, I don't know, it's hard to describe. I mean, I can't think of anything else because I've seen it, you know. I have read different things about it and sort of, you know… I know what I've seen. (Ophelia)
Sasha’s dream visitation from her maternal grandfather at the moment he died gave her a sense that an “emotional and/or spiritual presence” persists beyond physical death. This belief had a widespread impact, allowing her to be strong for her family during their time of loss, particularly for her mother. She explained: It helped show me that there is like, something else, you know, like the other realm. When someone dies, it’s not just it. Like, it might be that their physical presence is gone, but not necessarily, like their spiritual or emotional presence might be here still and might be around you. I think when it was happening, I knew I had to be strong for Mum, and so I think that helped me, like, be able to do that for Mum because I had had that extra bit of this isn’t like forever, kind of thing… So, I think it is helpful to have those experiences just for the... yeah, it makes you feel a little less like that’s the end. (Sasha)
The influence of the ELEs on participants’ understandings of death also extended to their own death. When reflecting on the impacts of a dream visitation ELE Melody had as a child with her fraternal grandmother, Melody described a sense of continuity, which made death seem less absolute: I think for me, the experience with my grandma and the stories that patients have told me help me to feel that the border between the living and the dying and dead is more fluid than I might otherwise have thought. I think that these experiences have given me a stronger sense of a continuity of something, perhaps an energy, that goes on after death, and that makes the thought of dying or losing a loved one less absolute. My understanding is that a person's energy simply morphs into another form, a form in which two-way communication may still be possible. To me, this is quite an exciting possibility, and it has diminished my grief for others that I've lost. It also helps me not to fear death as much.
Jason also reflected on the impermanence of the body, suggesting that his ELE helped him detach from physical identity and reduce fear: Yeah. I think about that a lot. This thing that you identify with this body. You think it's you, but you didn't even choose it. It just happened, really. You found yourself in it one day, and one day you will find yourself outside of it again. I suppose. But I think that's the way it is. (Jason)
Beyond a reduced fear of death, some participants described an increased acceptance of death. Malia looked forward to her own death, sharing that she is not afraid and, in fact, embraces the thought of death, mainly due to her strong beliefs in life after death, affirmed by her ELEs when her parents died. Sharon described wanting to go with her husband when he died – not out of despair, but because she felt euphoric. The ELE had removed her fear and allowed her to embrace life more fully. She explained, “I wanted to go with him… Not that I want my life to end anytime soon. But you know, yeah, it’s taken away the fear of death and dying, so that means I can enjoy living”. (Sharon).
Treading Carefully – Navigating Disclosure
This theme captured the complex interplay between the perceived stigma and the positive after-effects of these experiences and reflects the difficulties of disclosing the experiences to others. All participants described limiting disclosure in terms of who, when, and why they shared the experiences. Like most, Mere explained she is very selective about who she shares her experience with and believes there is a right person, time, and place. She and others revealed that they disclose to those who might benefit from hearing the experience, for instance, if they are going through a time of loss themselves: Yeah. I do [share], because it has been one of the most sacred experiences of my life. I share it where I know it will land with the beauty, the grace, and the integrity it deserves… So, I would choose a time and a place to talk about that. Typically, it would be with somebody who might have shared with me that they're walking a journey towards death with a loved one. Or it might be if I'm in a space where somebody asks me, you know, what's been the most profound experience of your life or one of them. Or if I'm with intellectual friends. (Mere)
While also acknowledging that sharing with others could be helpful in their time of grief, for Emilia, one of the factors contributing to her limited disclosure of the ELE was to protect others. The difficult and graphic aspects of the death of her daughter hindered her from talking about her ELE: Lots of people's last memories of her is she looks really peaceful laying in the bed or in the coffin, so I, yeah, I don't, you know, because while it was okay, there was definitely some parts which were really confronting, which I don't know if you can tell the story without telling all of the parts and some of them aren't super great, so yeah. The physical things that happened would probably not be nice for everyone to hear. (Emilia)
Despite acknowledging the desire to share with others in their time of need, disclosure was also influenced by participants’ concern about judgement due to the stigma surrounding these types of experiences. Some participants expressed concern about how people would perceive them, with several participants noting fear of being labelled as “bonkers”, “crazy”, “loopy”, or “looked at sideways”.
Sharon’s hesitance was evident during her interview, where she engaged in a form of self-preservation by pre-empting her account with how others might perceive or react to it. For instance, when describing the immense comfort and euphoria she felt following her husband’s death, she began with, “This is very strange to say, but”. Other participants similarly approached their disclosures with caution. Mere, for example, prefaced her account with, “Without sounding super quirky”.
Beyond fearing being judged by others personally, Emilia pointed to a fear of the actual ELE being criticised. Emilia emphasised that sharing the ELE carried a risk of people dismissing or reacting negatively. Beyond sharing briefly with her husband, who was also present at the time the ELE occurred, participating in an interview for this study was the only time she has shared the experience. Further, Emilia purposely withheld the ELE when engaging in various grief-related services, including grief counselling, due to its highly personal nature and the fear of having its veracity questioned: I definitely think there would be some people who think we're absolutely bonkers to think that, all that. And also something so special to us, and that assisted us in the hardest moment of our lives, for someone to question that would probably really upset me… But I have talked about the events of it [her daughter’s death] with a counsellor. But I didn't talk about that because it feels too personal. Like, it was just me and my husband and [daughter] in that moment. (Emilia)
Several participants did recount positive responses to the ELE when shared. When Jason shared his ELE for the first time with a friend who was anticipating the death of a loved one, it was a positive experience; however, the friend was apprehensive as to whether the story was real or whether Jason was telling the truth: I didn't talk about it much, for a long time… I think the first time I ever told anyone about it was with a Christian friend of mine in Japan... And so, when she told me that her ex-husband was dying with cancer, and how she, you know, she felt about it, how he was going to be okay in the end, because she was Christian, she believed that wherever he was, he would be saved. And I said, you don't need to be saved, let me tell you my story. And that was the first time I ever told it to anyone… She liked it. She liked the story. She had thoughts about whether she thought it was real. (Jason)
Other participants were also concerned that they would not be believed when sharing their ELE. For example, Melody withheld the message she was asked to pass on from her dream visitation when her grandmother died, as she was worried that her parents would dismiss it as just being a dream. Not passing on the message to her family appeared to result in feelings of guilt once it was confirmed several days later that her grandmother had indeed died.
On the other hand, the response from Sasha’s family was accepted without question. While asleep and in a different country, Sasha had a vivid dream where she attended the funeral of her grandfather, who had unknowingly died that night. Sasha and her family went on to use her ELE as an inside joke during the collective bereavement, given they all thought that Sasha was her grandfather’s favourite, so it made sense that she was the only one he visited in a dream as he died: They were just like “what? How do you know?”, and I said, “he visited me last night”, and they were like “oh, yup, that makes sense”, or “yeah, classic Sasha, the favourite gets a visit”. So, it was like an almost mocking thing for that week, “oh, Sasha got a visit, no one else got a visit”. (Sasha)
Other participants’ experiences with sharing their ELEs with family were described not so positively. For Malia, her family blamed her for both her father’s and mother’s deaths, suggesting that she spoke too much about death and the ELEs, which they believed contributed to their deaths and their associated experience in the afterlife. Their concerns were apparently rooted in their religious beliefs as “hardcore Catholics” and Seventh-day Adventists, believing that Malia’s experiences impacted the potential resurrection of their loved ones. Similarly, Ophelia’s family’s religious beliefs impacted how they responded to her ELE: Like I said, my family was really religious and this happened to me several times during my growing up where I would say I've had this thing happen and one time it was when my aunt died and my other aunt… she said no because if you saw aunt [name] that meant, you know, when she died that means that she would have gone to hell and not heaven. And I was 18 when that happened, and that scared the shit out of me. (Ophelia)
Both Malia’s and Ophelia’s accounts demonstrated the negative consequences of sharing. In Ophelia’s case, this not only had immediate effects on her grieving but also serious negative life consequences. Although she had personally found comfort in the ELE, her family’s reaction left her fearful and confused as a young adult, purportedly causing her to turn to drugs in an attempt to manage her visions: Once you've been through it, it's like it changes your reality. Like, I don't even know how to explain it. You have that experience, and you can, and then for years afterwards, I tried to deny that experience, and I actually got into drugs and things like that just so I could sleep because I was so terrified of sleeping. The visitation from her [aunt] became something that I became scared of, but then it continued to happen [with other deaths]. (Ophelia)
Discussion
The present study explored the impacts of end-of-life experiences (ELEs) on the grief of bereaved loved ones, extending the body of literature exploring ELEs and their aftereffects. While it appears there are positive benefits and aftereffects of ELEs for the bereaved, findings suggest there are significant challenges that complicate how these experiences are processed, understood, and shared. This research recognises the positive contributions that ELEs can make to the grieving process, whilst also capturing the unique, nuanced, and sometimes distressing experiences of participants.
In line with previous research, ELEs seem to provide emotional relief to bereaved loved ones, such as comfort and reassurance (Fenwick & Brayne, 2011; Grant et al., 2021; Kinsella & Peters, 2023), often immediately, indicating a marked benefit to the grieving experience of loved ones. By facilitating positive emotional responses to the death of a loved one and offering a sense of continuation of life after death, ELEs may moderate the intensity or course of grief. In cases of unexpected or traumatic death where distress may be particularly heightened, the ELE may also buffer the emotional impact by offering comfort and a sense of peace, as evident in Jason’s account.
The current study extends previous research by detailing the emotional complexity of ELEs. The existing research has tended to focus more narrowly on the comforting aspects of ELEs, with distressing or disruptive emotional responses, such as anger and fear, related to the ELE itself or of judgment by others, less recognised in the literature. This study provides a more nuanced understanding of ELEs by emphasising the coexistence of positive and negative emotional responses.
Alongside the emotional impacts of the ELEs, participants indicated that these experiences shaped their beliefs and attitudes about death, including the continuation of consciousness following physical death. Consistent with previous research, ELEs strengthened belief in the continuation of consciousness beyond death – whether by confirming previous beliefs, or providing a new perspective (Claxton-Oldfield & de Ste-Croix Killoran, 2025; Claxton-Oldfield & Richard, 2022; Fenwick & Brayne, 2011; Grant et al., 2020; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021). By believing in life after death, the bereaved often felt that their loved ones were still present, just in another place.
Linked to the belief that consciousness transcends bodily death, participants reported that their ELE reduced their fear of death. This reduction in fear is especially interesting as it contrasts with the typical Western response to contemplating one’s own death, which often involves existential anxiety and avoidance of the topic (Greenberg et al., 1986). ELEs seem to both ease this fear and foster acceptance of death. This reduced fear of death has been documented not only in other ELE research (Claxton-Oldfield & de Ste-Croix Killoran, 2025; Claxton-Oldfield & Richard, 2022; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021, 2024) but also consistently across studies of other exceptional human experiences (EHEs), 1 including near-death experiences (NEDs) and after-death communication (ADC) (McCormick et al., 2025; Penberthy et al., 2023). The consistency of these findings across NDEs, ADC, and ELEs suggests that humans may have an innate capacity for experiences that foster an acceptance of mortality. When people experience or witness these events, they often encounter perceived evidence of ongoing existence beyond death, reducing existential fear of death. Therefore, these experiences might serve as a mechanism for facing and accepting mortality.
The findings showed layered reasons for limiting disclosure of ELEs that transcend beyond ‘people are hesitant to share’, including fear of judgement or dismissal, stigma, cultural norms, and protecting others. Despite some similarities and overlaps, participants described unique experiences with sharing their ELEs, further highlighting their complex nature. Most felt apprehensive about sharing their ELEs with others, despite recognising that it could benefit those currently navigating the death of a loved one. This highlights the perceived sacredness of ELEs to bereaved loved ones as experiences that need to be protected and preserved. Research on NDEs has reported similar findings, as Hoffman (1995) describes a mismatch between experiencers’ desire to disclose and the actual frequency of disclosure. Several challenges impacting disclosure were evident, including fear of judgment, which has been documented in previous research (Brayne et al., 2006; Grant et al., 2021; Kinsella & Peters, 2023; Mazzarino-Willett, 2010; Shared Crossings Research Initiative, 2021, 2024; Wholihan, 2016). Western society has been described as ‘death-denying’ (Harris, 2010; Kubler-Ross & Kessler, 2005; Wood & Williamson, 2003; Zimmermann & Rodin, 2004), and even with greater openness to discussing death through increased awareness of Hospice and Death Cafes, there remains hesitance to discuss death openly (Jacobsen, 2019; Laranjeira et al., 2022). As a result, societal expectations around grieving have developed, including how long grief should last and how the bereaved should express their grief (Harris, 2010). Further, Aotearoa New Zealand could be described as a suppressive society regarding emotional expression. A common saying in Aotearoa New Zealand is “she’ll be right”, which often translates to ‘everything will be ok’ (Braun, 2008), which may promote a culture that minimises and dismisses sensitive topics and issues. When these societal tendencies are combined with the stigma of spiritual experiences, sharing ELEs within more conservative Western societies is implicitly discouraged, thus, people are less forthcoming with sharing.
Additionally, the atypical emotional responses to death – such as comfort, joy, and euphoria as described by participants – influence how those who share their ELEs are judged, likely impacting disclosure. When a loved one dies, most people in Western society would not expect someone to express positive feelings beyond the typical emotional response to death, which includes sadness and despair. Bereaved loved ones with ELEs are required to navigate their position outside of the socially determined normative grieving process, which can lead to limited disclosure (Hoffman, 1995; Pait et al., 2023; Palmer & Braud, 2002). This might also explain the self-preservation or protective strategies used by participants when they did share, such as pre-emptively acknowledging that what they’re about to describe might sound “crazy” or unusual. It is almost as if participants were anticipating potential judgment and attempting to manage it before it could be expressed by others – a strategy that may reflect a subtle form of psychological distancing.
These findings, especially regarding the challenges of disclosure, may be partly explained by the highly secular society of Aotearoa New Zealand. Research indicates that people in Aotearoa New Zealand are moving away from organised religion; since the 2006 national census, the dominant Christian affiliation has decreased by 20%, while those identifying as having ‘no religion’ have increased by 17% (Statistics New Zealand, n.d). Although over half of the population (51.43%) now identify as having no religion (Statistics New Zealand, n.d), this does not necessarily mean they lack spiritual beliefs or practices, as ‘spiritual but not religious’ is increasingly a common self-description when asked about religious affiliation (Wixwat & Saucier, 2021). Without an established belief system to contextualise what happened, individuals may struggle to make sense of the experience, question its legitimacy, or fear that others will view it as irrational or pathological – several factors raised by participants regarding disclosure. Spiritual and religious traditions often provide shared language, narratives, and communal validation for anomalous or transcendent experiences, and in their absence, people may lack both the vocabulary and the confidence to articulate what they experienced.
Several participants recalled negative experiences when disclosing ELEs to their family; however, Sasha described positive sharing experiences with her family. Sasha’s positive disclosure experiences with her family may be explained by Māori cultural knowledge that often provides a framework for understanding and integrating anomalous experiences. In te ao Māori (the Māori world), anomalous experiences, including ELEs, are not considered to be ‘anomalous’ by many Māori, but rather normal experiences of wairua (Māori spirituality) (Haami et al., 2025; Lindsay et al., 2022). In te ao Māori, existential topics, including death and the continuation of consciousness beyond bodily death, tend to be discussed more openly than in many Western cultures. For example, the ongoing presence and communication with deceased tūpuna (ancestors) are common and meaningful (Lindsay et al., 2022), and thus are more normalised in conversations.
The findings of the current study carry important implications for clinical and therapeutic practice. Despite the limited disclosure of ELEs, both this study and previous research highlight the importance of sharing. Palmer and Braud (2002) found through both qualitative and quantitative data that disclosure of exceptional human experiences was linked to better psychological and physical well-being. After the interviews in this current study, several participants described the positive impact of taking part in the interview. Ophelia, who described the experience as “cathartic” after years of questioning whether she was isolated in her experiences. Several participants described their ELE as easing their grief, and one participant noted that her ELE was more helpful than the support resources provided by Hospice following her husband’s death. When discussing ELEs in clinical settings, including grief counselling, practitioners should be prepared to address a range of often conflicting emotions, such as comfort and euphoria alongside sadness and anger, which add a unique dimension to the experience and processing of grief and loss. Further, there appears to be a reluctance to disclose ELEs, even within grief counselling settings. This indicates the need to create safe, inclusive spaces where people can share ELEs and explore their role in facilitating a positive grieving process. These findings are important in a therapeutic context, and grief support services should be ready to accommodate the disclosure of ELEs and provide space for participants to talk openly. Tailored training should be given to counsellors, grief support workers, and other health care professionals to improve end-of-life care and family support, ensure disclosure is met with appropriate responses, and to normalise ELEs. Further, resources such as hospice grief support booklets should include sections on ELEs, acknowledging the experiences as well as their comfort and complexity, and encouragement of sharing.
The ELEs participants described in this study were diverse, ranging from dreams and witnessing their loved ones engaging with an unseen presence to transcending the material world. This diversity in witnessed or experienced phenomena may account for the divergence in emotional reactions and require further exploration. The retrospective nature of the experiences must also be considered. While ELEs were described to aid in participants’ grief, most participants also had time to process their grief and the ELE since the death of their loved ones, with some loved ones’ deaths occurring 60 years ago. Further, while participants described their ELEs in detail, regardless of the duration of time since the experience, their recollections may not be completely accurate due to the dissolution of memory over time. Future research could draw on quantitative data, conducting analyses that account for the time elapsed since the experience to ascertain any difference in the meanings attached to ELEs over time. Additionally, research may be used to further explore the relationship between ELEs and grief using quantitative measures for the purpose of generalisability. Future research should continue to focus on participants from diverse ethnic, cultural, and religious backgrounds, as well as on more male participants. While findings of the current study are insightful, they only feature two cases of Māori participants, so studies exploring Māori understandings of ELEs in more depth in future research should be prioritised, given Māori are the indigenous culture of Aotearoa New Zealand. Underrepresented experiences - such as ELEs involving child loss, strained relationships, or sudden or traumatic deaths - should receive greater attention in research to deepen our understanding of these particularly complex circumstances. These experiences are often overlooked in ELE research, despite their profound psychological and existential impact. These periods often become ones of heightened vulnerability as bereaved individuals may experience isolation, diminished support, or difficulty finding meaning within an event that fundamentally contradicts expected life patterns. Those who have experienced the loss of a child face uniquely profound emotional and identity-related challenges – parents must grapple not only with acute grief but also with changes in family dynamics and social roles. Increased attention is therefore essential to capture the nuances of these experiences, develop tailored interventions, and ensure that the voices of those facing such deeply impactful ELEs are adequately represented in research.
Conclusion
To our knowledge, this is one of the first studies focusing on the experiences of bereaved loved ones, and ELEs with a sample from Aotearoa New Zealand, positioning this research uniquely within the current body of ELE literature which is predominantly quantitative and centred in the United States and United Kingdom. The findings offer insights into how ELEs influence the grief of bereaved loved ones and provide nuanced understandings of the complexities and challenges accompanying these highly meaningful experiences. Witnessing or experiencing an ELE leading up to and during a loved one’s death affected the grieving process of the bereaved in a variety of ways. Participants highlighted the coexistent, often conflicting emotions experienced following an ELE, and how these experiences influenced their understanding of mortality, often moderating the intensity of grief. Levels of disclosure to others varied across the sample, with multifaceted challenges affecting whether ELEs are shared; however, fear of judgment was the main factor impacting decisions. These findings have important practical implications, such as informing grief counselling services to encourage and respond appropriately to disclosure. Further research may benefit from greater inclusion of underrepresented groups, such as those who have experienced child loss, strained relationships, and sudden or traumatic deaths.
Footnotes
Ethical Considerations
Ethics approval for this study was sought and approved by the Massey University Human Ethics (Ohu Matatika 2, Application OM2 23/36).
Consent to Participate
Participants gave written consent before starting interviews, including informed consent for publication.
Author Contributions
Funding
The authors received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Declaration of Conflicting Interests
The authors declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.
Data Availability Statement
The full qualitative data set cannot be publicly shared because it contains sensitive personal accounts for which complete de-identification cannot be guaranteed without risking inadvertent disclosure of participant identities. To protect confidentiality and comply with ethical approval and participant consent, only the de-identified excerpts necessary to illustrate the findings are included in the manuscript.