Liberated by Tutu’s undomesticated inclusivity

Seeing Archbishop Tutu in action was a highlight of my time as researcher in the South African Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC)(1996–1998). I remember a deep conversation with him about what real racial reconciliation means for someone like me—a white South African, from a strong Afrikaner background, with “the architect of Apartheid,” Dr. H.F. Verwoerd, as my grandfather. Twenty years later, while working on a memoir, I had the unexpected opportunity to continue this conversation over a pastoral cup of tea. ¹

Sitting in a large comfortable chair, he apologizes, in Afrikaans, for not standing up to greet me. He invites me to come and sit next to him, says a short prayer and asks, “Hoe gaan dit?” [How are you?] I’m very aware of how little time we have, so I jump in at the deep end:

I am well thanks, Father, though I still cannot reconcile the pain Verwoerd is responsible for with him as my grandfather!

He responds in a soft voice, “I think already the very fact of you being concerned about the anguish and the pain that was caused by a policy . . . a policy which he didn’t start, remember!” He chuckles and in a typical fashion continues, “I think that we should not demonize them, whilst not exculpating them.”

He reminds me of how many people today are still caught up in racial stereotypes before challenging me, three times, to accept this particular ancestor: “He is your grandfather. He is your grandfather. He is your grandfather.”

At the same time, the “Arch,” as he is fondly known, does not avoid the harsh truth: “There is that about him that he came to represent a vicious system.”

I recall how some black people were furious with Tutu during the TRC for his strong emphasis on the need to forgive. Therefore, I am relieved when he hesitates, “this symbolism is part of the pain that you have to bear, I think until . . . I don’t know when it will be that we will say, ‘yes, we have to forgive’ and say ‘he was a product of his time’.”

He continues in pastoral vein, with another chuckle or two:

you will have to go to Mars to get away from pain that you have not caused directly . . . Yes, acknowledge things that should be acknowledged. And then do what YOU can to make this world a world where such things will be more and more rare. Seek to be someone who recognises that human beings are human beings are human beings. That is already a massive renunciation of where your grandfather stood.

My precious time with this beloved spiritual parent is over. I stand up and greet him with both hands, “thank you very, very much, Father, thank you for your radical spirituality of including everyone!” ²