King Lear vowed that because he was a man he would rather go mad or die than weep. Many adult male patients in psychoanalysis have just such an internal prohibition against crying, learned individually and often culturally encouraged, a prohibition that affects their ability to process loss, maintain intimacy, and accept vulnerability. It is suggested that the appropriate psychoanalytic role with these patients is to recognize and actively address this culturally supported prohibition. In addition, it is proposed that the prohibition against men crying may be a consequence of male envy of maternal traits and other feminine characteristics. Further, it is suggested that the developmental theory that the male child must “disidentify” with the mother memorializes a phallicism that often invokes the prohibition against crying in men and is itself mistaken.
Get full access to this article
View all access options for this article.
References
1.
Abraham, K. (1924). A short study of the development of the libido, viewed in the light of mental disorders. In Selected Papers of Karl Abraham. London: Hogarth Press, 1927, pp. 418—501.
2.
Anthi, P.R. (1995). Resistance analysis and psychic reality. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child50:31—47.
3.
Axelrod, S.D. (1997). Developmental pathways to masculinity: A reconsideration of Greenson's “Disidentifying from mother.” Issues in Psychoanalytic Psychology19:101—115.
4.
Balint, M. (1950). On the termination of analysis. International Journal of Psychoanalysis31:196—199.
5.
Becht, M.C., Poortinga, Y.H., & Vingerhoets, A. (2001). Crying across countries . In Adult Crying: A Biopsychosocial Approach, ed. A. Vingerhoets & R.R. Cornelius.East Sussex: Brunner-Routledge , pp. 135—158.
6.
Benjamin, J. (1995). Like Subjects, Love Objects: Essays on Recognition and Sexual Difference. New Haven: Yale University Press.
7.
Blum, H. (1994). Dora's conversion syndrome: A contribution to the prehistory of the Holocaust. Psychoanalytic Quarterly63:518—532.
8.
Boesky, D. (1989). Questions and curiosity of the psychoanalyst. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association37:579— 603.
9.
Bowlby, J. (1958). The nature of the child's tie to his mother. International Journal of Psychoanalysis39:350—373.
10.
——— (1980). Attachment and Loss: Vol. III. Loss: Sadness and Depression. New York: Basic Books .
11.
Chasseguet-Smirgel, J. (1986). Sexuality and Mind: The Role of the Father and Mother in the Psyche. New York: NYU Press.
12.
Condry, J., & Condry, S. (1976). Sex differences: A study of the eye of the beholder . Child Development47:812—819.
13.
Cretser, G.A., Lombardo, W.K., Lombardo, B., & Mathis, S. (1982). Reaction to men and women who cry: A study of sex differences in perceived social attitudes. Perceptual & Motor Skills55:479—486.
14.
Darwin, C.(1872). The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals. New York: Philosophical Library, 1955.
15.
Diamond, M. (2004a). Accessing the multitude within: A psychoanalytic perspective on the transformation of masculinity at midlife. International Journal of Psychoanalysis85:45—64.
16.
——— (2004b). The shaping of masculinity: Revisioning boys turning away from their mothers to construct male gender identity. International Journal of Psychoanalysis85:359—380.
17.
Ehrenberg, D.B. (1975). The intimate edge in therapeutic relatedness. Contemporary Psychoanalysis10:423—437.
18.
Elise, D. (2001). Male fears of psychic penetration. Psychoanalytic Dialogues11:499—531.
19.
Falk, A. (1978). Freud and Herzl. Contemporary Psychoanalysis14:357— 387.
20.
Fast, I. (1984). Gender Identity: A Differentiation Model. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press.
21.
——— (1999). Aspects of core gender identity. Psychoanalytic Dialogues9:633—661.
22.
Feldman, S. (1956). Crying at the happy ending. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association4:477—485.
23.
Freud, S. (1900). The interpretation of dreams. Standard Edition4/5.
24.
——— (1912). The dynamics of transference. Standard Edition12:97—108.
25.
——— (1913). On beginning the treatment. Standard Edition12:121—144.
26.
Greenacre, P. (1945). Pathological weeping. Psychoanalytic Quarterly14:62—75.
27.
——— (1965). On the development and function of tears. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child20:209—219.
28.
Greenson, R.R. (1968). Disidentifying from mother: Its special importance for the boy. International Journal of Psychoanalysis49:370—374.
29.
Grinberg, L. (1978). The `razor's edge' in depression and mourning . International Journal of Psychoanalysis59:245—254.
30.
Grinstein, A. (1968). On Sigmund Freud's Dreams. Detroit: Wayne State University Press.
31.
Hastrup, J.L., Kraemer, D.T., Bornstein, R.F., & Trezza, G.R. (2001). Crying frequency across the life span. In Adult Crying: A Biopsychosocial Approach, ed. A. Vingerhoets & R.R. Cornelius.East Sussex: Brunner-Routledge , pp. 55—70.
32.
Haugsgjerd, T.L. (1980). The release of tears: The first phase in the psychotherapy of a 3-year-old child with the diagnosis symbiotic child psychosis. International Review of Psychoanalysis7:299—308.
33.
Heilbrunn, G. (1955). On weeping. Psychoanalytic Quarterly24:245—255.
34.
Jacobson, E. (1957). Normal and pathological moods: Their nature and functions. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child12:73—113.
35.
Kaftal, E. (1991). On intimacy between men. Psychoanaltyic Dialogues1:305—328.
36.
Lax, R. ( 1997). Boy's envy of mother and the consequences of this narcissistic mortification. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child52:118—129.
37.
Lichtenberg, J.D., & Galler, F.B. (1987). The fundamental rule: A study of current usage . Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association35:47—76.
38.
Lutz, T. (1999). Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears . New York: Norton.
39.
Mcwilliams, N. (2003). The educative aspects of psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytic Psychology20:245—260.
40.
Peto, E. (1946). Weeping and laughing. International Journal of Psychoanalysis27:129—133.
41.
Rey, H. ( 1994). Universals of Psychoanalysis in the Treatment of Psychotic and Borderline States. London: Free Association Books.
42.
Rittenberg, S., & Shaw, L.N. (1991). On fantasies of self-creation. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child46:217—236.
43.
Ross, C.E., & Mirowsky, J. (1984). Men who cry. Social Psychology Quarterly47:138—146.
44.
Sachs, L.J. (1973). On crying, weeping and laughing as defences against sexual drives, with special consideration of adolescent giggling. International Journal of Psychoanalysis54:477—484.
45.
Sadoff, R. (1966). On the nature of crying and weeping. Psychiatric Quarterly40:490—503.
46.
Shakespeare, W. (1958). King Lear. Baltimore: Penguin Books.
47.
Viorst, J. (1982). Experience of loss at the end of analysis: The analyst's response to termination. Psychoanalytic Inquiry2:399—418.
48.
Winestine, M.C. (1985). Weeping during the analysis of a latency-age child . Psychoanalytic Study of the Child40:297—318.
49.
Winnicott, D.W. (1986). Holding and Interpretation. New York: Grove Press.
50.
Wood, E., & Wood, C. (1984). Tearfulness: A psychoanalytic interpretation. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association31:117—136.
51.
Yazmajian, R. (1966). Pathological urination and weeping. Psychoanalytic Quarterly35:40—46.
52.
Zilboorg, G. (1938). Some observations on the transformation of instincts . Psychoanalytic Quarterly7:1—24.
