This paper addresses Giddens' assertion that self-help books are democratising, and may help to bring about a ‘reconciliation’ of the sexes. It investigates a selection of best-selling relationship manuals for their conceptions of love and their prescriptions and proscriptions for self-formation. It considers Giddens' notion of democracy in the light of these, and suggests that this is a narrow and particular one. It is further argued that, by characterising love as a (biochemical) pathology, and men as being defective or dangerous, the relationship manuals in this study prescribe emotional detachment and self-mastery rather than ‘reconciliation’.
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