Children as Victims of Divorce

Stanford U. Press and National Endowment For Humanities (1991). This study joins the other empirical studies listed below but its conclusions are the same. (E. Maccoby and R. Mnookin)

Wallerstein J. , “The Long Term Effects of Divorce on Children” 30 J. Am. Acad. Child Adolese. Psychiatry (May, 1991), 358 The whole article should be consulted as a summary of most of the empirical and behavior studies to date on the children of divorce, up to 15 years after divorce.

It may very well be that the wounds from divorce trauma on children are never healed, judging by the “sleeper” effect of divorce on children late in life. See Wallerstein, Art. Cit, supra note #1 at 358; See also the 10 year study in Wallerstein and Corbin, “Daughters of Divorce”, Am. J. Orthopsychiatry (1989) 593–604; Kaltor, “Long Term Effects of Divorce on Children”, 56 Am J. Orthopsychiatry (1987), 587-600.

Concluding her review of the behavioral and clinical studies over the past 15 years, Wallerstein observes: “The research concluded that typically, the child of divorce is a party to a continuum that begins with parents’ failure to sustain love and commitment, proceeds through the emotional turmoil and dislocation of the divorce process, and continues to overshadow the years of the aftermath; that the long-term, experienced psychological consequences emerge developmentally on center stage when the young person is at the threshold of adulthood and contemplates the major life decisions of love, commitment and marriage” Wallerstein, Art Cit., supra, note #1, p. 354

Of its very nature, divorce as it affects children is rooted aliter. Fundamentally, children's “trauma is a product of the failure of the relationship between the man and the woman who model for the child the reliability of love and commitment.” Wallerstein, Art Cit., p. 350. This is extremely important for any improvement in postdivorce trauma on children. By the time couples enter the court system, it may already be too late for preventing trauma, only ameliorate it. This suggests that the trauma of divorce and its prevention must be addressed much earlier than at the judicial intervention period (church, education, media, etc.). The most enlightened divorce mediation will not reach this trauma; It can only try to pick up the pieces and expectations should not be great.

The problem here is that the trauma of divorce begins sometimes years before the actual divorce. By the time of divorce, children have spent years in the midst of great turmoil and feeling utterly abandoned by parents which is bound to traumatize them for life. See Block, Block and Gjerde, “The personality of Children Prior to Divorce,” 57 Child Dev. (1986) 827–840. All divorces are preceeded by some form - at least - of emotional withdrawal of parents from each other. Else there would be no divorce.

All the studies already mentioned and those to follow are in agreement with this statement and as the number of divorces increase in our society, so will the child trauma in divorce cases also increase.

Block Block , and Gjerde , Art. Cit., supra, note #6 at 831-834.

“The shadow of divorce thus profoundly affects even the children of marriages that are considered stable and enduring,” Wallerstein, Art. Cit., supa, note #2, at 351.

It is apparent that a significant number of children who experienced their parents’ divorce at age 4 will enter their adolescence many years later under a severe handicap. The cared for, adjusted children who will enter adolescence well supported are in the great minority. See Rutter , “Psychosocial resilience and protective mechanisms”, 57 Am. J. Orthopsychiatry (1987), 316–329.

See note #5, supra

The studies here are so numerous that it is difficult to name a few. See Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children's Adjustment Beverly Hills, Ca., Sage (1988); Wallerstein and Blakeslee, Second Chances (New Year, 1989), pp. 277-308; Glen and Kramer, The Psychological Well-being of adult children of divorce” 47 J. of Marriage and the Family (1985), 905-912; Glen and Shalton, “Pre-adult background variables and divorce,” 45 J. of Marriage and the Family (1983), 405-410; Hetherington, “Coping with family transitions,” 60 Child Dev. (1989), 1-14; Hetherington - Stanley - Hagen - Anderson, “Marital Transitions”, 44 Am. Psychol. (1989), 303-312; Mueller and Pope, “Marital Instability” 39 J. of Marriage and Family (1977), 83-93; Watson, “The Children of Armageddon”, 21 Syracuse L. Rev. (1969), 231-239, ek.

See the studies by Furstenberg Morgan , and Allsion , “Parental participation and children's well being after marital dissolution” 52 Am. Soc. Rev.(1987), 695–701 The authors claim that their studies reveal that 23% of the postdivorce fathers had no contact with their children during the previous five years and that another 20% had not seen their children during the entire previous year. Furstenberg and Nord conclude that “Marital dissolution effectively destroys ongoing relationship between children and the biological parent living outside the home in a majority of families.” “Parenting Apart”, 47 J. of Marriage and Family 893; 902 (my emphasis).

See note #5, supra

These are the results of two studies: Block, Block and Gjerde, supra, note #6; and that of Wallerstein, “Children of Divorce: repeat of a ten year follow up of early latency-age children” 57 Am. J. Orthopsychiatry (1987), 199–211

It is, of course, when these exemplars and models of love and commitment are absent and in conflict, that is directly responsible for the trauma in the children of divorce. Even after ten years following divorce, the predominant feelings of these children as they looked back over the post divorce years was: restrained sadness, remaining resentment at their parents and a wistful sense of having missed out on growing up in an intact family. See Wallerstein, Art. Cit, supra, note #15.

See note #2 supra, pp 208-209

See the six year follow up study by Hetherington , and Arasteh , eds. The Impact of Divorce, Single Parenting and Step Parenting on Children. (Hillsdale, N.J. 1989)

The studies of Furstenberg et al show that those children who had experienced marital dissolution were significantly worse off than those who did not in almost all measurable areas. Guidubaldi's studies show the same results in school behavior, dependency, anxiety, aggression, withdrawal, inattention and loss of control. See “Differences in Children's divorce adjustment across grade level and gender” in Children of Divorce, Wolchick eds S. , Karoly P. (Lexington, MA: 1988), pp 185–231.

This is the sum of the Wallerstein studies in her 15 year study-follow up on children of divorce with Kelly J.B. , Surviving the Breakup (New Yale, 1980), pp 20–85.

See the study and follow up study in this respect of Johnson, et al. The children he studied (100) appeared vacant, joyless and withdrawn. Particularly children who had witnessed physical aggression between the parents, there were manifestations of chaotic attitudes, suicidal preoccupation, sudden and severe aggression, outbursts and near infantile regression. Johnson and Kleine, “Ongoing Post-divorce Conflict” 59 Am. J. Orthopsychiatry (1989), 576–592.

Mueller , and Pope , “Marital Instability” 39 J. of Marriage and Family (1977) 83–93.

“The earlier view of divorce as a short-lived crisis understood within the familiar paradigm of crisis theory has given way to a more sober appraisal, accompanied by rising concern that a significant number of children suffer long-term, perhaps permanent detremental effects from divorce, and that others experience submerged effects that may appear years later.” Wallerstein, Art Cit., supra note #2, at 358.

Several researchers have formed “inter generational transmission of marital instability.” That is, the children of divorce are more likely to divorce during their own adulthood than children raised in stable families. In fact, there is no evidence in these studies that the negative effects of divorce diminish with age. Glenn and Kramer found that the divorce and separation rate for white female children of divorce was 60% greater than for white females of intact families. “The marriages and divorces of the children of divorce” 49 J. of Marriage and the Family (1987), 811-825. See also Kalka , and Weingarten , “The long term effects of parental divorce in childhood on adult adjustment,” 35 J. of Social Issues (1979), 50–78.

Glenn , and Kramer , art cit, supra, note #24 at 820-821.

Miller D. , “Alternative Dispute Resolution” State Bar of Texas. Advanced Family Law Seminar (1990), pp. mm 1–19. While the author cites the advantages of ADR in economic and psychological advantages for the divorcing couple, nothing is said there of the trauma of custody dispute on the children as a further trauma of emotional separation and the divorce itself.

Evidence for this is ubiquitous. Abberrational behavior is a direct cause of this feeling of guilt and shame which causes behavioral problems in children. See the study of Guidubaldi, art cit, supra, note #19 and references to this in each study cited in the paper.

The study of Johnson et al supra, note #21 seems to indicate as much.

After a 10 year study of children of divorce, almost all the young women “Confronted issues of love, commitment and marriage with anxiety, sometimes with great concern about betrayal, abandonment, and not being loved.” Wallerstein J. , art cit., supra, notes #2, at p. 353.

Rutter , “Psychosocial resilience and protective mechanisms,” 57 Am. J. Orthopsychiatry (1987), 316–329. Some children use various mechanisms to deny or escape the reality and pain of divorce. Most common is the fantasy of their parents coming back together as a family again.

These long term effects of the broken relationship with parents - the primary exemplars of love and commitment - have only been hinted at in the above mentioned behavioral studies. There is enough evidence in these studies, however, to sustain the truth of the remarks in the text.

Some of the empirical studies cited supra tend to show that contact with the non-custodial parent is not always in the best interest of the child, particularly when there has been a contest between the parties. In fact, “the findings indicate that recommending or ordering joint custody or frequent visitation in these contested cases is contraindicated.” Johnston Klene , and Tschann , “Ongoing post divorce conflict” 59 Am. J. Orthopsychiatry (1989) p. 590.

This fantasy is a mechanism of denial used by the child to deal with the pain of separation and rejection. To attempt to involve the child directly in the process of choosing (and therefore “Killing off” or not choosing the other) is cruel and unproductive.

In all the behavioral studies we have studied supra, the quality of the post - divorce child's life is dependent on the relationship he or she has with the primary care giver, most often the mother. But studies have shown some problems here. For example, Kalter, using his developmental framework, has proposed that the effects of divorce on adolescent girls may be especially grave because “identifications with mother carry with them pervasive and painful sense of having been inadequate and involved in a centrally important heterosexual relationship. This dynamic is most salient when a mother herself experiences the divorce as a rejection and abandonment,” Kalter , “Long term effects of divorce on Children,” 57 Am. J. Orthopsychiatry (1987) at 597. Even the most recent report by the National Commission on Children, Beyond Rhetoric: A New American Agenda for Children and Families (Sen. John D. Rockefeller IV Gov't Printing Office, 1991) does not come to grips with the central problem of the trauma of divorced children and the effective breakup of the family.