Abstract
Tom: So you don't want to be a psychiatrist?
Jerry: No chance. Everyone knows shrinks are crazier than patients are.
Tom: But look at the great advances that have taken place – Prozac, Viagra, the empty asylums …
Jerry: Have you seen the hoards of homeless patients wandering the streets? Parents are getting killed by their mad children who have been discharged early. The government is selling off prime real estate so the patients lose out and we lose our parklands.
Tom: You'd go back to the sick doing farm work?
Jerry: What's wrong with having fresh vegies?
Tom: Doesn't making money interest you?
Jerry: It's true I don't see too many starving psychiatrists.
Tom: And the drug companies will look after you. Free dinners, trips to conferences all around the world.
Jerry: Well, there are some advantages in living in a capitalist society.
Tom: You can arrange it so you don't have to see the riff-raff: I can have a good chat with most of my patients even if it's just about the footy.
Jerry: Pity about the sick.
Tom: That's the way it is. The government is trying to get people to insure, but most of them spend their money at the pub and the pokies. I'm not going to bulk-bill if they're that stupid. They can go and get treated at a public hospital.
Jerry: But there are never any spare beds.
Tom: Not our problem.
Jerry: So the government puts more money into the private system so you can play golf?
Tom: Well if you prefer you can get $200 000 and a car working for the government.
Jerry: What's wrong with that?
Tom: Nothing really. Apart from the meetings. You might also be answerable to the manager who could be a nurse or social worker. They like to have a say in how things are run.
Jerry: A bit of egalitarianism.
Tom: If you're lucky you'll get a manager who doesn't do anything. The best one I met spent his whole day sending out memos. Problem is you could be stuck with someone ambitious.
Jerry: So?
Tom: They're bad news.
Jerry: It should be possible to get good managers.
Tom: They don't appoint any good ones because the bad ones don't leave …
Jerry: … and …
Tom: … they can't be sacked.
Jerry: And the bad ones …
Tom: Stop the Indians doing their job …
Jerry: Because they spend all day at meetings.
Tom: So you'd better stick to working …
Jerry: … in private seeing. …
Tom: … those who don't have any problems to speak of.
Jerry: Got your clubs handy?